Thoughts on Music and Me

Music. How can you not be a fan? Everyone seems to have something (or someone) they like. A song. An artist. A band. I grew up with music all around me on the radio, the turn table, family musicians, friend musicians, boyfriend musicians (come on--what's hotter than a good looking, long haired guy and a Les Paul--or a Strat). I loved it. I breathed it. I moved toward it and it moved me.

Once it did, I thought, well, that was a great ride. I didn't recognize the transition. But at some point I realized that I actually had kept music in my life--just with fewer bright lights and overnight parking lot stays (maybe not such a bad thing, really). It just found new places in which to fit, like my ipod. And when my kids came along, they were soothed and rocked to sleep with Eric Clapton, Peter, Paul & Mary, Fleetwood Mac. My son has most definitely inherited a piece of my musical soul--and now he's the guitarist I love to listen to. My music is still here. More importantly, my musical soul is still here. It never left me.

As a kid I remember sitting up in bed (when I was supposed to be going to sleep) with a portable white radio/tape recorder listening for the top 3 requested songs of the day so that I could tape them. I listened to my awful recordings over and over again, thinking I had captured something really special for myself. I had: freedom. A gush of good feeling that ran through me whenever I hit the play button. I didn't have to wait for the station to play it again to get my fix.

I listened to my favorite bands and songs and studied lyrics harder than I studied for any test in high school--and my Chemistry grade reflected that, sadly. I wrote song lyrics all over my Pee Chee folder from pure memory, around the cheerleaders and track runners. Who needed to know the Periodic Table of Elements? I had Van Halen, Led Zepplin, The Doors, Stevie Nicks, Motley Crue, Cheap Trick . . . I had Rock and Roll! I wallpapered my room with Eddie and listened intently to my LP's and CD's on my new stereo as I felt every strum throughout my body, each note shooting through my veins. Rocking, dancing, swaying, and sometimes just sitting perfectly still, I let the loud music flowing from my stereo envelop me, hold me, excite and soothe me. My world was perfect, full of nothing but the music and all its universe offered during those moments.

Now, I think of all those concerts, L.A. rock clubs (some of which I had to sneak into since I was underage, heh heh), countless nights hanging out with my friends and music. At the time, I knew I was living much of my life connected to music, but it never really occurred to me how deeply I immersed myself in it until these many years later. Piece by piece, the memories came back to me. All those nights at band practices, spending the night in the parking lot of the Forum to get Van Halen tickets, getting rocked and smashed and trampled by the crowd beneath the stage front at so many shows (never did learn that lesson), hanging out at Gazzari's and The Whiskey watching band after band try to make it. Seemed like that was my life for such a long time. Never thought of it stopping.

So near and yet so far in 30 years

I watched Milk (finally!) this past weekend and found myself furious all over again with the passage of Prop 8 in California (well, I guess it's more like still furious).  How, in 30 fucking years, have we not advanced in our thinking of human and civil rights?  What compels people to think so differently, cruelly about another person?  Are they that intimidated?  And what is it, exactly, they are afraid of?  (They should be afraid of themselves, these jackasses!)

I am not arguing one's right to have personal or religious feelings about this issue.  I don't believe churches should be forced to accept marriages its faith deems unacceptable or not possible.  (Then again, I don't really believe in church, but that's another rant-and-rave).  But, no matter what people believe about right and wrong under the noble name of religion it doesn't give anyone the right to tell the rest of us how to live our lives.  These idiots don't stop to ever consider the bigger issue with these movements.  They don't seem to even have clue about the piece of freedom they are trying to take away--and in this case have succeeded in doing!

When will the law tell us how many children we may have?  How we can dress? What we can eat?  Sound ridiculous?  So does taking away the right of the gay community to marry.

I sat at a wedding and watched two people very much in love make marriage vows to each other just three days before this ridiculous amendment to our state constitution passed.  I thought:  I wish it were possible for people of all beliefs to have attended that wedding and seen the genuine sharing and honest determination of this couple to commit to life together.  I wish they could have listened as they took their vows and heard the nervous tremble so many have at that moment in their voices.  I wish they had not just witnessed but felt the happiness and celebration of this day as we all did.  I wish they could have seen it for what it was:  two people brave enough, crazy enough, hopeful enough getting married.
But they only see two men and think they have no right to be this way.  Is this couple any less human?  Have they any less heart?  Are they any more incapable of realizing what they are getting themselves into than the rest of us foolhardy lot who marry the one we love?  No.

I almost think that if the supporters of Prop 8 were on a mission to save people from themselves (which would be totally futile, of course) in making the huge mistake of getting married I could live with that.  I would certainly laugh at it at least.  But that's not it.  They actually think they are saving the sanctity of marriage, of family, by telling us who we are allowed to marry.  They are dictating that one group receive the right to marry and denying it to another.  How did we get so far as to elect our first black president and then let this happen?

It scares the hell out of me that none of these people seem to realize the action they have taken. I mean, sure, they realize they are banning together and saving everyone from the awful reality of gay marriage, that they are "preserving family".  None of them seem to recognize, though, that they are telling people what to do in their personal lives, that they are taking away not just the rights of the gay community but of everyone--even themselves. Sometimes I just don't get it.

Everyone Wants to Visit at Least One Place

"Everyone wants to visit at least one place," my son recently wrote in an essay for school. "I want to go to Hawaii."

Two thoughts immediately ran through my mind when I read this: 1) That's a fairly perceptive observation for an eight year-old; and 2) Hawaii? Really? Not what I would have expected (from an eight year-old). Disneyland, the beach, Chuck E. Cheese's. If someone were to ask an eight year-old where he or she wanted to visit I would think these would be more likely answers. What does he know about Hawaii, anyway?

Everyone wants to visit at least one place. I suppose they might--even if it's only one town over. I do actually have a relative, though, who lives in a tiny little town in Illinois and is perfectly happy to go nowhere. She's been there her entire life.  I think her blood pressure shoots up ten points when she crosses the line into the next town. But, I digress . . .

I don't know about everyone, but I know I want to visit other places. I, unintentionally, have ended up in the same town for most of my life (unless you count my time at college in the next town over; stop laughing). I don't have a good explanation for it, really.  I often tell people that my town is like the mafia: I keep trying to get out but it keeps pulling me back in (aahhhhh, the wisdom of Michael Corleone). Anyway, it just sort of happened. And it's odd, but both times we deliberately tried to move to another city, fate seemed to take a hand and just swat us right back to, well, here.

And here we still are all this time later. I have at least been fortunate enough to visit some other places, too. It makes me want to visit more places. I have often heard from people after returning from trips where they say, grimacing, "Oh, I was just so glad to get back home." You know, I can't say I've ever said that after one of my trips. I mean, what the hell is that? Sometimes I just don't get it. For me it's, "Hey! Where are we going to next?"

Where am I going next? I wonder. I'm planning.  Maybe Hawaii--apparently I'd have at least one other vote for that trip. I just know I'm going to visit somewhere else and enjoy being reminded of how much there is beyond here. And if for no other reason, that's why everyone should want to visit at least one place.

The Twilight Zone Rocks at 50!

I learned that The Twilight Zone is 50 this year--half a bloody century!  Love The Twilight Zone--how can you not?  I watched a good chunk of the Twilight Zone marathon on SciFi Channel today with my kids and the episodes are still fantastic, insightful and hugely entertaining.  Rod Serling was a genius.  Even more amazing, it fascinated an eight and an eleven year old for hours (I actually had to pull them away eventually, umm, dinner?).  A 50 year old show in black and white with limited special effects.  How's that for brilliant writing and creativity?

The stories, with their reminders and observations of the human condition and the damn fool things we do as individuals and as a society, are just as applicable today.  Whether examining politics, war, materialism, vanity, or the futile wishes of adults to return to childhood, the episodes still make you think and wonder if we'll ever learn.  And when I consider our continued presence in Iraq, the crashing of our economy, well . . .

So, a good way to spend the first day of the new year, right?  Certainly gives you a lot to think about (or be pissed about if you want to start out the year in pessimism or cynicism). And if you've never checked an episode out (and, really, you have to check out several!), look here for a list of episodes and watch!

Happy New Year!